Furious Ding Dong

Dane If my work here played even the slightest roll in the other...

Fri, 20 Jan 2012 16:37:28 -0500

Dane

If my work here played even the slightest roll in the other dongs that Dane received, I have done my job.

Speechless Basically what I did was make all the possible...

Fri, 22 Jul 2011 12:55:51 -0400

Speechless

Basically what I did was make all the possible innuendos bold.

Shame on you, Mary Your fish deserves a better owner.

Thu, 27 Jan 2011 18:52:37 -0500

Shame on you, Mary

Your fish deserves a better owner.

Well you ruined my day Oh Shidasha, why must you suck every...

Wed, 27 Oct 2010 10:01:15 -0400

Well you ruined my day

Oh Shidasha, why must you suck every ounce of joy out of this for me.

And an americano Somewhere, there is a paper cup filled with...

Wed, 04 Aug 2010 10:00:00 -0400

And an americano

Somewhere, there is a paper cup filled with espresso and hot water slowly sliding out of a hand frozen with shock. It will hit the ground, spilling its contents and leaving a stain as a permanent reminder of this day.

Let this ding dong be a wake-up call, James.

If You Know What I Mean I may have laid it on a bit thick near...

Thu, 17 Jun 2010 14:23:45 -0400

If You Know What I Mean

I may have laid it on a bit thick near the end there, but it was a fun ride.

If You Could Clarify Oh, Julie - sweet, innocent Julie.

Fri, 21 May 2010 15:36:37 -0400

If You Could Clarify

Oh, Julie - sweet, innocent Julie.

WHATS THE BEST ONE YOU GOT I can’t believe this asshole...

Wed, 05 May 2010 08:00:00 -0400

WHATS THE BEST ONE YOU GOT

I can’t believe this asshole didn’t think I was serious. He missed out on the sale of his lifetime.

Not My Lady You may or may not be surprised to learn that this...

Wed, 28 Apr 2010 14:32:48 -0400

Not My Lady

You may or may not be surprised to learn that this isn’t the last time I received a random photo.jpg in my email. Guess what, I have also received unsolicited MMS messages with pictures of real people. More on that later.

My Favorite Ding Dong That’s right folks - you’re...

Wed, 21 Apr 2010 13:42:12 -0400

My Favorite Ding Dong

That’s right folks - you’re looking at what is now my favorite ding-dong. I waited a few days to post this in case I got a reply, but I guess Google Geniuses don’t have time in their busy schedules of clown school and XKCD reading sessions to reply to my humble emails.

What does that mean Why Jen from Whitefish has continued to send...

Mon, 12 Apr 2010 14:23:17 -0400

What does that mean

Why Jen from Whitefish has continued to send me dozens of emails over the last year is beyond comprehension. Jen, you either have the innocence of a saint or the mind of retard to not pick up on these furious ding dongs.

Oh okay, thanks I have no idea why “Paul” decided to...

Wed, 07 Apr 2010 01:11:46 -0400

Oh okay, thanks

I have no idea why “Paul” decided to email me his address. I have never been to “PA.” But, part of me hopes that somewhere in the mapquest.com query logs is a search for “8 ====D~ St.”

Let’s Nail Down this Design This is one of the earliest...

Tue, 30 Mar 2010 16:06:16 -0400

Let’s Nail Down this Design

This is one of the earliest replies where I decided to incorporate the “8===D” into a somewhat legitimate-looking reply. As you can see, it worked brilliantly.

Recruiters Gone Wild™ Ahh, the ol’ Honey Pot. “Oh...

Wed, 24 Mar 2010 18:12:22 -0400

Recruiters Gone Wild™

Ahh, the ol’ Honey Pot. “Oh hey there geek with a github account (what’s that lol), here is a cute photo of myself would you like to make me some moneeyyyy???”

Well at least she leaned into it a little bit, I will give her credit for that much.

8======D~

Wed, 24 Mar 2010 17:57:09 -0400

Welcome to this blog. I will be posting screenshots of unsolicited emails I get, along with my go-to reply: a furious ding dong. Sometimes, if we are all very lucky, these ding dongs will erupt into a full-blown conversation.

You cannot wait.